This is a guest post by Larry Brin and Sergey Page. It is written from the perspective of guys hitting on girls, but similar analogies can be drawn for girls looking to snare that perfect 6.

Everyone loves Google. From searching how to get your girlfriend last minute flowers on Valentine’s day to hitting a girl up in between dates on Gtalk, what’s not to love? (Ok so Google Plus is pretty lame but for the scheming gentlemen it is a great way to categorize your gf, mistresses, and yet-to-be-conquereds in their own circles).

What most people don’t know is that Google makes all of it’s money off of Internet advertising. Yes, that’s right – Google makes almost $40 billion (with a capital B) a year on Internet advertising. Countless businesses advertise on Google, and the good ones (including Amazon, eBay, and University of Phoenix – any fellow alums out there?) in turn make tons of money from their customers. The bad ones, well they just lose a lot of money paying Google and get nothing in return.

Lonely on a Saturday night? You are basically the crappy online store showing “Free iPod” ads and then actually trying to sell them in the age of iPhones. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to become an Amazon. Be the store that has a product for every woman. Satisfy your customers time and time again.

But first…let’s learn more about the world of Internet advertising. Most online stores run advertising to sell a product. To do this, they pay to get a lot of ads shown to a lot of people. They do this realizing that only a small portion of users will actually click on their ads. After users click on their ads, an even smaller portion of users will eventually make a purchase.

Technically speaking, this is known as a marketing funnel.

There are three main numbers that online stores track through Google’s advertising system:

1. Impressions – the number of times my ads were shown to users
2. Click throughs – the number of times those users clicked on one of my ads and arrived on my site
3. Conversions – the number of sales from users that arrived on my site

In the world of dating, there is ALSO a marketing funnel:

1. Impressions – the number of girls you meet and talk to at clubs, community service events, and church (wait did we say that??)
2. Click throughs – the number of phone numbers you get from girls you talked to at above events
3. Conversions – the number of girls you [insert your own goal]. Some guys define a conversion as a date. Others see it as casual sex. For others still, it’s about landing that future wife. Whatever you define as your conversion is up to you, but realize that you had to go through many impressions and click throughs to get a single conversion.

What separates Amazon from your typical failed online stores is that Amazon has spent countless hours optimizing the hell out of each part of this marketing funnel. Amazon knows exactly what ads to show to get as many clicks as possible. Then it optimizes conversions by showing great products backed by great service and free shipping. They get consumers to spend a TON of money. In contrast, the typical online store tries random things and hopes for the best. Oftentimes, they will try to show a bunch of ads on Google without thinking about how to get users to click on them. Or they will get a lot of click throughs, but not bother making their website professional and inviting. Users bounce after clicking through.

The same can be said of the dating world. Are you going to take a haphazard, “let’s see what happens” approach with your dating life? Or, are you going to be scientific, analytical, and 10x more successful than the next guy? If your answer is an excited YES, keep reading.

Many guys complain about not meeting women and don’t do anything about it. If that’s you, start by first meeting more women and getting your impression count up! Even if you are great on first dates, if you aren’t meeting any women you aren’t getting any. Go out to bars, nightclubs, community service events, and church (dammit, we did it again) and start talking to girls! There’s no easier way to get your impressions up than putting yourself out there.

Other guys are really bad at getting phone numbers even if they meet a lot of women. Why spend all your time focusing on meeting more women, if you aren’t able to get “click throughs” from at least a few of those you do meet? If that’s you, get a new wardrobe, learn how to walk and speak with confidence (this is more important than money or good looks), and stop talking about your job, sports, and how you live with your mom. Learn the right way to ask for a phone number, and it’s NOT “so can I call you sometime and maybe we can hang out?” Your job is to get that prized click through, the coveted phone number, as efficiently as possible.

Finally, we all know some guys that are absolutely fantastic at serving impressions and getting many click throughs. They are highly social and active, meeting tons of new girls week in and week out. But they are absolutely terrible at converting. They act desperate by spending $300 on a first date or take too long to make a move, and girls quickly lose interest. These guys often complain about how they get put on the friend ladder all the time, then go out and talk to 100 more girls. That’s great, but if you don’t know how to convert, you are spending your time focused on the wrong part of the funnel. If you are already meeting a lot of girls, getting phone numbers, and not converting, don’t try to solve your problems the brute force way by meeting more girls. They will inevitably throw you in the friend zone too! Figure out why your store is not getting sales! If this is you, make a conscious effort to improve your game after you have gotten a girl on a first date. Learn how to close dammit.

The morale of the story is quite simple – the first step of improving your dating life is to Understand Your Personal Marketing Funnel. If there is a single broken part (and for most guys it is at least one, if not all three parts), you are severely limiting your opportunities to become a profitable online store like Amazon. Once you understand the strengths and weaknesses of your funnel, you’ll be able to FIX the broken parts and almost magically get tons of paying users (beautiful women) in no time at all.

In our next three guest posts, we’ll talk about tried and true tactics for optimizing each piece of the funnel – impressions, click throughs, and conversions.

This year’s Valentine’s Day was probably my best performance yet. Like Jeremy Lin, I too have an underdog story that will capture the nation’s heart.

To appreciate my triumph, you must first understand that I am not a romantic by any means. Even when I really like a girl, I send the wrong signals and say the wrong things. And who can blame me? I grew up with a dad who thought it was a good idea to split the cost of flowers when he was dating my mom. Let my recent Valentine’s Day track record speak for itself:

February 14, 2008:
I was dating the girl who this story revolves around; let’s call her Emily. Instead of spending our first Valentine’s Day together, I spent the day doing “volunteer work” with my buddy Jester (The Pizza Guy). Emily soon discovered that my community service activities involved dressing up in a suit and entertaining and serving 14 beautiful pageant contestants throughout that week. I believe it’s very important to give back to the community.

February 14, 2009:
As you might guess based on the previous year’s events, Emily and I soon broke up. I spent this Valentine’s Day with one of the pageant girls I met during the previous year. I won’t go into the details of this one right now, but let’s just say lots of alcohol and loud music were involved.

February 14, 2010:
By this time I had rekindled things with Emily. On this Valentine’s weekend she was sick with a cold. I convinced myself that she caught swine flu or something. I was very concerned. So I decided it would be best for me to stay away and instead, spend the weekend escorting a new set of pageant girls. To ease my conscience, I bought Emily a stuffed animal and chocolates when they were discounted after Valentine’s Day, as well as a can of Campbell’s soup, which I delivered to her only after she was healthy again.

February 14, 2011:
This year, Emily got smart and took the planning into her own hands. Knowing that I would still be obligated to pay for dinner, I tried to outsmart her by postponing the date twice. But my intelligence pales in comparison to a Stanford graduate’s, so she found a counterattack for every move I made.

This brings us to February 14, 2012. After 4 years of disaster, I owed it to Emily to plan the perfect, romantic Valentine’s Day that I’ve never given her. It didn’t take long after the clock struck midnight for the day to start falling apart.

12:00 AM: I had told Emily two weeks ago that I had already started planning for our Valentine’s, but it really only started now. I didn’t know where to begin, so I went with the usual: Facebook, Twitter, ESPN, Gmail, Techcrunch, etc.

12:23 AM: I needed help with some personal projects, so I call Emily and guilt her into looking over them, even though she’s in the middle of a take-home midterm. I use my newfound free time to begin brainstorming for the big V Day. She had told me not to buy any gifts, but I want to plan something creative for her.

12:59 AM: I’m frustrated because no progress has been made. I’ve caught a bad disease called Linsanity. The condition is pretty lin-tense, and it’s making me lin-sane. My mind is malfunction-ling. The only thing I can do is clean my apartment for the big evening. I start by taking out the kitchen trash.

1:02 AM: I immediately realize that I’ve locked myself out. Thankfully my iPhone is surgically attached to my hand, so I call Emily and ask her to drive across SF to let me in with her spare key. In the meantime, she is thinking that I have a surprise waiting for her since I’ve been hyping up our perfect Valentine’s Day. Lesson #1: Never ever hype up Valentine’s Day, or any holiday for that matter, for a girl.

1:18 AM: She calls to tell me that her car won’t start, because the last time I drove it, I had left the lights on. But fear not, since I’ve done this to her on numerous occasions, she is well-trained in basic car mechanics.

2:10 AM: I see the zombie of Emily at my door and she grumpily lets me into my apartment. My lin-telligence tells me she’s not happy. I attempt to cheer her up with a round of Jeremy Lin puns, which only aggravates her bad mood. She immediately drives back home.

2:25 AM: My Valentine’s Day brainstorm continues…

2:26 AM: I fall asleep.

7:00 AM: I wake up and to make up for the previous night, I decide to go with a restaurant that would serve one of her favorite foods, foie gras. Lesson #2: Never attempt to make Valentine’s dinner reservations on the day of.

11:30 AM: I finally find an opening. Dinner is ON for 9:30 PM! A little late, but hey, this was already an improvement. I’m feeling good about this.

6:00 PM: I head to the gym for a quick workout before dinner. I always like my biceps to be bulging while I’m eating so I can look more seductive as I put food in my mouth.

7:10 PM: I get back home only to realize my apartment keys are missing. Yes, again. This time I had also left my phone inside the apartment. Lesson #3: Glue house key to self on important days.

7:20 PM: I run back to gym and look for my keys. With no luck, I head to the front desk in defeat to call Emily.

7:21 PM: Before I dial the phone, some lin-spiration strikes me. I inform the lady at the front desk of my situation, and with a little bit of flirtation, I convince her to donate the flowers and balloons sitting on the front desk to my Valentine’s cause. My game is a bit rusty, but I got what I wanted.

8:45 PM: After getting some funny looks and a couple of “aww”s on the 30 Stockton MUNI, I arrive at Emily’s place with a dirty pot of flowers in one hand and a couple of random plain balloons in the other. Sadly for me, she’s not at all fazed by the fact that I didn’t come dressed up.

9:35 PM: We arrive at the restaurant. I have some explaining to do to the hostess about why I was dressed in a ripped T-shirt, gym shorts, and one of Emily’s jackets, but we promptly get seated and start enjoying our meal.

11:30 PM: I sign the bill. I had made it through dinner. I think to myself, “YES! I’m now in the clear until August!” (Her birthday is in August.) To my surprise, Emily asks, “Excuse me?” which made me realize that I had said that aloud in the middle of the restaurant.

11:33 PM: We walk out of the restaurant. I can tell that she’s happy but hiding some disappointment after I had overhyped today’s events. At this rate I have no way of knowing for sure if I’ll get any action when we get home. I desperately rack my brain for a way to pull off an ingenious last-minute surprise. Hire a bum to serenade her? Write her an IOU for a new necklace on the back of the dinner receipt? Food coma overtakes me and my mind drifts back to Jeremy Lin’s clutch shot.

11:37 PM: We get to her car and as I wait for her to dig out her keys from her black hole of a purse, I hear a familiar female voice call out my name. Emily and I both look up and see my friend Jen with a douche male companion. Emily, being quite the adept Facebook stalker, knew of my great fondness for Jen… she also might have pieced together that Jen and I had a fling last summer.

11:38 PM: We make awkward small talk, then Jen asks, “So how do you two know each other?”

11:38:30 PM: Emily looks expectantly to me for my answer. It’s a test and I know it.

11:38:35 PM: Jen also looks at me questioningly. I contemplate hitting the gas pedal, but Emily’s still holding the keys. I break out into a sweat.

11:38:40 PM: For many guys this situation would be a no-brainer, but for me, I’m trapped. My mind is a numb, hazy cloud of stress and exhausted bewilderment. Do I blow my chances with a possible repeat customer, or do I ruin Valentine’s Day for Emily? I hear myself mumble in the most mumbliest of mumbly voices: “We’ve been dating…for awhile.”

There, I said it. After so many Valentine’s Days of being neglected, no other statement could have made Emily happier. I’m still confused how this could have possibly elicited so much joy in her, but apparently in Girl World, there seems to be some sort of mental arena in which all girls jealously fight each other like manipulative vindictive gladiators. On this Valentine’s Day, it didn’t matter where we ate or what gifts I gave her—Emily won her battle without even lifting a finger, and I was the helpless animal that was sacrificed in the midst of the scuffle.

I obviously don’t know much about romance, but I do know one thing. When you’ve been with a girl for long enough, the law of diminishing returns starts to take effect. The generous amount of effort and money you put into your first and second Valentine’s Days returns great results, but the chocolates and flowers and fancy dinners lose their power as the relationship progresses. In the end, nothing will please her more than just knowing that you only have eyes for her, which unfortunately for us guys, is one of the hardest things to truly prove.

Fortunately, diminishing returns is not an issue for me, as Emily has never been high-maintenance about dates or gifts. Sometimes I think it would be a lot easier if she was. I haven’t been the best about showing how I feel about her, but I hope that with this blog post, she sees my true intentions, even if they are never executed well.

Happy belated VaLINtine’s Day.

February is a scary month for guys. It’s the month when Hallmark and societal expectations force us to show appreciation for the girl(s) in our lives via flowers, teddy bears, jewelry, cards, and of course, romantic dinners. Valentine’s Day can get really expensive, but don’t get caught up in all of the hype. Every relationship is different and each guy needs to assess what stage they are at with the girl they want to impress.

One metric to show your girl how much you care is by the restaurant you take her to. I believe that a commercial holiday of this magnitude needs a detailed, capital asset pricing model style analysis so you can make the data-driven decision in choosing a restaurant that best fits your relationship status to get the highest rate of return. Below, you can find the relationship status that best fits your situation and the optimal restaurant to make reservations for to minimize your losses.

Relationship Status: Girl You Just Recently Met
Restaurant: Red Lobster
Type: Guilty Pleasure/Really Bad Seafood
Price: $30. (It’s too bad their annual Endless Shrimp deal doesn’t extend until February.)
Ambience: Nothing says romantic like a suburban chain restaurant full of obese customers, elderly couples, and screaming toddlers. Ironically, their best item is their free, unlimited Cheddar Bay biscuits. At the very least, this is a sit-down place where you can chat and get to know each other.
Analysis:  She’s vulnerable and just wants company on Valentine’s Day. No need to spend that much. Taking her here should make it pretty obvious that you are not trying hard at all. DO NOT give her flowers, balloons, or a teddy bear. It’s just unnecessary at this stage.

Relationship Status: Booty Call
Restaurant: The Cheesecake Factory
Type: “Upscale” American chain with the biggest menu ever
Price: $60
Ambience: Perfect for doing the basic call of duty for booty. The SF Union Square location has an outside patio with a city view to add a little romance factor. Dinner usually lasts an hour, leaving plenty of time to take her back home, do some dirty dancing, then go your separate ways to a singles party in the city.
Analysis: Girl on the side who doesn’t know any better. More than likely she’s young and thinks any guy spending money on her is a great guy. To go the extra mile, pick her up and open the door for her.

Relationship Status: Casually Dating
Restaurant: Umi
Type: Sushi
Price: $100
Ambience: Casual yet intimate. Not cheap, but not too expensive. It’s a fun, hip place, perfect for relationships in the gray zone. Both parties are still BSing a lot to get know each other, but no one is revealing their cards. Drink lots of sake; liquid courage can be your best friend.
Analysis: Girl you want to impress, but unsure of her status. At this point it’s all strategy. This place is located on a hill that provides a view of the Financial District and Bay Bridge. Don’t be a pussy…make your move.

Relationship Status: In a Relationship
Restaurant: Melting Pot
Type: Fondue + orgasmic dessert
Price: $150
Ambience: A special place for couples spending their first Valentine’s Day together, with a menu unique enough to impress her and leave a lasting memory. It’s a 4-hour dinner leaving plenty of time to gaze into each other’s eyes and snuggle up.
Analysis: Girl who you are dating exclusively. In your eyes she’s a 7+ rating, but needs further analysis for long-term potential. Long quiet dinner with 1 on 1 conversation, can’t get better than that.

Relationship Status: Close to Engagement
Restaurant: Fleur De Lys
Type: French
Price: $250
Ambience: Romantic. Multi-course masterpiece. Michelin star recipient. This place has the full works and it’s expensive. But price never crossed your mind because you’re in love, you’ve gone through the cycles of the good times and bad times, and at the end of the day she is the one who keeps you going.
Analysis: You’re the cute couple who everyone adores. She’s special, compatible, and you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with her. You want her to feel special and this place definitely fits that criteria. Let her take all the pictures and cherish the moment. She will post it to her Facebook during dinner.

And one more thing…

1800Flowers.com is your best friend on Valentine’s Day. For busy guys, it is the most efficient way to give your girl flowers.  And it doesn’t even matter what kind of flowers, it’s really so she can show off to all her co-workers, Twitter followers, and Facebook friends. If you’re too lazy to call, you can always use TaskRabbit.

P.S. To the idiot guys out there: If you have more than one Valentine’s date (obviously on different days), DO NOT take her to the same restaurants. DO NOT.

If you guys have other suggestions, please put them in the comments. I would love to hear from our readers.

Aww yes, it’s Feb 14, the day that all guys hate because we need to be thoughtful and do ridiculous crap to make the women in our lives happy. Some have said that this day can make or break a relationship. Since we at EoD care very deeply for all of our readers, our team has come up with a list Do’s and Don’ts to help guide you through this day to make it a success.

Lets start with the Don’ts:

5 Things You Should Not Do On Valentine’s Day

5. Not calling or texting her at all.
This is a guaranteed way to not get laid. Not even our coupons below can save you.

4. Take her out to dinner…on Feb 15^th.
If you’re trying to woo a girl with your magnificent charm, then be sure to make your Valentine’s Day dinner reservations way ahead of time. Most popular restaurants are completely booked 2 weeks in advance.

3. Send her flowers addressed to the wrong name.
I don’t think I need to explain this one. Pretty funny IMO.

2. Give her lingerie that’s too small.
Subtly telling her she’s flabby is okay, but NOT on Valentine’s Day

1. Performing JT’s dick in a box at her workplace.

Someone, please do this.

Now the Dos:

5 Things You Should Do On Valentine’s Day

5. Send flowers to her office.
Even if your girl claims she doesn’t like flowers, this day is the one exception. It’s not about the actual flowers, it’s about her showing off to all her friends how great her man treats her.

 4. Make her a thoughtful Vday card.
I rather buy something really expensive than spend time thinking about this nonsense. The biggest struggle for men is coming up with the creativity and time to impress the women in our lives.

 3. Cook her dinner.
If you can’t cook, order that shit from GrubHub and put it on a nice platter. Add candles and wine.

 2. Make her a photo collage
The process of making this by hand is a horrendous experience because everything is digitalized. Most of us have no artistic ability, but put in the time and she will love your creation, even if it’s utter crap.

 1. Serenade her live.
Singing is hard, but girls seem to enjoy it when guys make corny asses of themselves. Pick out an easy song and win her heart with a sweet serenade. Or, take the next step and write something original. This song was written by a friend for a girl, who he performed this for in front of her friends.

One more thing…
Just in case you haven’t bought a present for your loved ones, we have some last minute Valentine Day’s Daily Deal specials that you can purchase for your partner (him or her) to give at dinner. Better get buy them now, because they are selling out fast! You can thank us by following our twitter @EconomicsDating Enjoy.

Post by Anderson

We’ve all complained about the lack of women in San Francisco. It’s well established that this city is one big incestuous bubble, no matter what kind of crowd you hang out with. Every time I go to 5A5 on a Saturday night, there’s a high probability that I’ll run into a girl that I’ve banged before, along with 5 other dudes (friends included) who have poked around in same hole.

So dammit, where are all the girls who I haven’t already hooked up with? It’s time to put an end to this madness. I’m busting out the textbooks and putting my Cal degree to something of use. This, my friends, is the real deal:  Market Sizing 101: Where the Ladies At?

Market sizing is a fundamental concept that uses economic assumptions to create an expectation of the potential supply/demand of a given area. Basically, in the context of our extremely scientific evaluation here, it’s our way of estimating the number of penises (“buyers”) and targeted vaginas (“sellers”) in the Bay Area.

Let’s start with the facts:

1. According to the 2010 Census, the population of the San Francisco Bay Area (including all 9 counties) is 7 million people.
2. Women only please. I know this is a gay friendly town, but I really like large boobs and a nice ass. 50% of the population is female, which equates to 3.5 million.
3. Now, let’s assume we’re looking for a girl who we can bring home to Mom. This means we need to subtract out the cougars and the high school girls, leaving us with an age range of 20-33. This is estimated to be around 17.5% or 600,000 women. Not too shabby…

But hold on, can all the single ladies put their hands up? With 600,000 eligible young women in the Bay Area, we need to distinguish which girls are actually dateable. Let’s start weeding out the deal breakers.

1. I can vouch that our faithful EoD readers have high morals, so let’s exclude the girls who are married or in relationships. This makes up ~48% of 600,000, leaving only 312,000 single.
2. We’ll also take out the ones who we already know won’t touch us with a ten-foot pole: lesbians, ex-girlfriends, friends of ex-girlfriends, and relatives. This leaves 270,000.
3. Eliminate half of that for lack of intelligence, bad sense of humor, and general incompatibility. 135,000.
4. Personally, I like Asian girls. Since they make up 25% of the Bay Area’s population, this leaves 33,750 women.

Now that we’ve narrowed it down, how many of these 33,750 women would you realistically date? Don’t think you’re not superficial, because you are. You would probably only seriously consider a relationship with a girl who’s a 7 or above. (Note: Guys will hook up with a girl who’s as low as a 2. It’s just sex. Refer to the Mermaid Theory in the next post)

Breaking the remaining 33,750 women down by physical attraction:

25% are 1s or 2s. These girls could be fat, pimply, manly, or likely all of the above. 8,400.  

35% are 3s or 4s. These are the 49ers who think they’re pretty, but are still below average. Hell, these deserve to be in the 1-2 bucket because of their inflated confidence. 11,800.

25% are 5s or 6s. You’d hook up with them. Maybe have them be repeat customers, but nothing more.  We’ve all had them. 8,400.

10% are 7s or 8s. This is your target dating pool. 3,400.

5% are 9s or 10s. These girls are hot. Finding one is like fitting an elephant into a bottle. Absolutely impossible. 1,700.

So what does this mean for the typical Bay Area male in his late-20s? There are about 5,000 dateable Asian girls in your vicinity. That means with a population of 135,000 single, eligible men (all nationalities love Asian women), the ratio of guys to girls at any given time or place is 27:1. 27 to freaking 1. This doesn’t even take into account the fact that you have to get the girl to like you. You can use all the strategies and tactics that we can come up with, but with numbers like these, your chance of finding the right girl pretty much comes down to sheer luck.